The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
