I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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