Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
