im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
