you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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