I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
