I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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