so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
