she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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