just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
