Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
