i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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