In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
