he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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