told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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