What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
