nutella sex= disaster
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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