We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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