i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
