Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
