We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
