Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
