Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
