I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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