i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
