FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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