Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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