I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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