If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
