My friends, they love my intelligence
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
