my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
