I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
