forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
