never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
