Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
