Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
