sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
