What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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