i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
