can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
