are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
