I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
