she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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