do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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