oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need a beard to bite.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
