On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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