I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
