sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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