moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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