Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
