He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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