why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
